Thats right time to share some deep thoughts by Jck Handy..


I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.

I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't think children should be having sex.

I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you're having a good idea but it's just eggs hatching.

I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes! Hey, better try the emergency brake!

If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater because then people would sing about me and I could fly down and eat them because I hate that song.

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said "Hey, hows it going?". So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said "Now whose asking the questions?"

"Of all the imaginary friends I've had, I don't think there was one that I didn't end up having to kill."

If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, forget em', cause, man, they're gone.

hope you enjoyed them!

 

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control.

I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every culture, is the story of Popeye.

I hope if dogs ever take over the world, and they chose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.

I wish I had a Kryptonite cross, because then you could keep both Dracula AND Superman away.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

 

TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS BRYCE!*laffs* and i guess i'm not that much better cause i sat here and read it!